Q: Why did the cat go to Minnesota?
A: To get a mini soda!
Q: Where do orcas hear music?
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
A: Take the words out of his mouth!
Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A: A chili dog on a bun.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Where do mice park their boats?
A: At the hickory dickory dock.
Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: The baaaahamas
Q: What do you call a thieving alligator?
A: A crookodile
Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A: A watch dog.
Q: What has a foot but no legs?
A: A snail
Q: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?
Q: What comes down but never goes up?
Q: I’m tall when I’m young and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
A: A candle
Q: A dad and his son were riding their bikes and crashed. Two ambulances came and took them to different hospitals. The man’s son was in the operating room and the doctor said, “I can’t operate on you. You’re my son.”
How is that possible?
A: The doctor is his mom!
Q: What goes up when rain comes down?
A: An umbrella!
Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between each‘s’
Q: If I drink, I die. If i eat, I am fine. What am I?
A: A fire!
Q: Throw away the outside and cook the inside, then eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it?
A: Corn on the cob, because you throw away the husk, cook and eat the kernels, and throw away the cob.
Q: What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Q: What travels around the world but stays in one spot?
A: A stamp!
Q: What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in one thousand years?
A: The letter M
Q: What has 4 eyes but can’t see?
Q: If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is it?
A: A Secret.
Q: Take away my first letter, and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle; I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?
Q: What has hands but cannot clap?
A: A clock
Q: What can you catch but not throw?
A: A cold.
Q: A house has 4 walls. All of the walls are facing south, and a bear is circling the house. What color is the bear?
A: The house is on the North Pole, so the bear is white.
Q: What is at the end of a rainbow?
A: The letter W!
Q: What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?
A: His breath!
Q: What starts with the letter “t”, is filled with “t” and ends in “t”?
A: A teapot!
Q: What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?
Q: You walk into a room with a match, a kerosene lamp, a candle, and a fireplace. Which do you light first?
A: The match.
Q: A man was driving his truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. Up ahead, a woman was crossing the street. How did he see her?
A: It was a bright and sunny day!
Q: What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?
A: A palm!
Q: If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?
A: There is no smoke, it’s an electric train!
Q: You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer?
A: You draw a shorter line next to it, and it becomes the longer line.
Q: What has one eye but cannot see?
A: A needle
Q: A man leaves home and turns left three times, only to return home facing two men wearing masks. Who are those two men?
A: A Catcher and Umpire.
Q: Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?
A: Neither, they both weigh one pound!
Q: How many months have 28 days?
A: All 12 months!
Q: A frog jumped into a pot of cream and started treading. He soon felt something solid under his feet and was able to hop out of the pot. What did the frog feel under his feet?
A: The frog felt butter under his feet, because he churned the cream and made butter.
Q: A horse is on a 24 foot chain and wants an apple that is 26 feet away. How can the horse get to the apple?
A: The chain is not attached to anything.
Q: If a blue house is made out of blue bricks, a yellow house is made out of yellow bricks and a pink house is made out of pink bricks, what is a greenhouse made of?
Q: What goes up a chimney down but can’t come down a chimney up?
A: an umbrella
Q: We see it once in a year, twice in a week, and never in a day. What is it?
A: The letter “E”
Q: Mr. Blue lives in the blue house, Mr. Pink lives in the pink house, and Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. Who lives in the white house?
A: The president!
Q: They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they?
Q: How do you make the number one disappear?
A: Add the letter G and it’s “GONE”
Q; What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age!
Q: Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
A: A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
Submitted by: Stu
Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match!
A: Because he wasn’t peeling well!
Submitted by: Kay
Q: What’s the slipperiest country?
Q: Why can’t you say a joke while standing on ice?
A: Because it might crack up!
Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?
A: It ran out of juice!
Q: What do postal workers do when they’re mad?
A: They stamp their feet.
Q: Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?
A: The players dribble a lot.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: What is at the end of everything?
A: The letter G.
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Q: How do locomotives hear?
A: Through the engineers.
Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?
A: Because each player raises a racquet.
Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Between you and me, something smells.
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
A: Someday my prints will come.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: It held up a pair of pants.
Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!
Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother?
A: I wuv you watts and watts.
Q: How can you tell that a train just went by?
A: It left its tracks.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole in one!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: I got you covered.
Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.
Q: What did the class clown take a computer to school?
A: Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
A: At forks in the road.
Q: How do they serve smart hamburgers?
A: On honor rolls.
Q: What is the world’s longest punctuation mark?
A: The hundred yard dash.
Q: Why did the calendar write its will?
A: Its days were numbered.
Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people?
A: Hi school.
Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?
A: Parachute school!
Q: Where does Friday come before Monday?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: What is black when clean, and white when dirty?
A: A blackboard.
Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use?
A: Cell phones
Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs?
A: A screwdriver.
Q: What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?
A: A ruler.
Q: Why did the computer squeak?
A: Someone stepped on its mouse.
Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school!
Q: What did the one penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
Q: What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?
Q: What did one hair say to the other?
A: It takes two to tangle!
Q: Why would Snow White make a great judge?
A: She was the fairest in the land.
Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: In sundae school.
Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear?
A: News briefs.
Q: What did one wall say to the other?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.
Q: Why did the strawberry call 911?
A: It was in a jam!
Q: What did Tennessee?
A: The same thing Arkansas.
Q: Why didn’t the girl take the bus home?
A: Because her mom would make her take it back.
Submitted by: Kamran
Q: Why was the baseball game so hot?
A: Because all the fans left!
Submitted by: Angel
Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
Q: How do you fix a broken vegetable?
A: With tomato paste.
Q: What do you give a lemon in distress?
Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
A: One minds the train, one trains the mind.
Q: What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
A: You’re the only bright spot in my life.
Q: What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Root beer.
Submitted by: Tiffany
Q: What do you call a scared train?
A: A freight train!