11 Jan

Riddles & Jokes

  1. Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

To the baa-baa shop!


  1. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?



  1. Why are leopards so bad at playing hide and seek?

Because they’re always spotted!


  1. Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

Because he thought it was a HIGH school!


  1. What time do you go to the dentist?

At tooth-hurty!


  1. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he wasn’t peeling very well!


  1. What kind of button can you not undo?

A belly button!


  1. What kind of keys can’t open locks?

Monkeys! (or donkeys or turkeys!)


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Juno who?

Juno how to open this door? It’s stuck!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Scott who?

Scott nothing to do with you!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Apple who?


Apple who??


Apple who??


Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say apple?


  1. What type of jam can’t be eaten?

A traffic jam!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Ivana who?

Ivana come in, please open the door!


  1. Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything!


  1. What kind of witch do you find at the beach?

A SANDwich!


  1. What keeps rock stars cool?

Their fans!


  1. What has two hands but no arms?

A clock!


  1. Where do cows like to go on the weekend?

To the MOOvies!


  1. What do cows like to listen to on their headphones?

MOOsic of course!


  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was the best in his field!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Doris who?

Doris locked! Please let me in!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting co….



  1. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull dozer!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Ken who?

Ken I come in? It’s raining out here!


  1. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new one!


  1. What type of dog can tell the time?

A watch dog!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Boo who?

Oh, don’t cry! It’s only a knock, knock joke!


  1. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An inVESTigator!


  1. What kind of nut has no shell?

A doughnut!


  1. What do elephants have that no other animals have?

Baby elephants!


  1. Why are fish so smart?

Because they live in schools!


  1. What is the biggest kind of ant?

An elephANT!


  1. What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Pizza who?

Pizza really great guy!


  1. Who absolutely loves cocoa?

A coconut, of course!


  1. Why did the burglar take a bath?

Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Little old lady.

Little old lady who?

Hey, I didn’t know you could yodel!


  1. What do you call a baby insect?

A baby buggy!


  1. Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Lettuce who?

Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!


  1. What kind of beans doesn’t grow in the garden?

Jelly beans!


  1. What do pigs use to write a letter?

A pigPEN!


  1. What runs but cannot walk?

A river!


  1. What piece of wood is like a king?

A ruler!


  1. What kind of fish is famous?

A STAR fish!


  1. How did the ocean say goodbye?

It waved!


  1. What type of phone can’t be used to call a friend?

A xylophone!


  1. What has teeth but does not bite?

A zipper!


  1. What do you do with a space man?

You park in it, man!


  1. What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?

A Do-you-think-he-saw-us!


  1. Why was the teacher cross eyed?

Because he couldn’t control his pupils!


  • What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?

A clock

  • What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?


  • What word begins and ends with an E but only has one letter?


  • What has a neck but no head?

A bottle

  • What type of cheese is made backwards?


  • What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel

  • Why did the boy bury his flashlight?

Because the batteries died

  • Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?


  • What starts with a P, ends with an E and has thousands of letters?

The Post Office

  • What has to be broken before you can use it?

An egg

  • Why would a man living in New York not be buried in Chicago?

Because he is still living

  • What begins with T ends with T and has T in it?

A teapot

  • How many letters are there in the English alphabet?

There are 18: 3 in the, 7 in English, and 8 in alphabet.

  • Which month has 28 days?

All of them, of course

  • Three men were in a boat. It capsized, but only two got their hair wet. Why?

One was bald

  • If everyone bought a white car, what would we have?

A white carnation

  • How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Eleven – T-h-e A-l-p-h-a-b-e-t

  • Where does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary

  • What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.

  • What ship has two mates, but no captain?

A relationship

  • When is a door not a door?

When it is a jar

  • Bobby throws a ball as hard as he can. It comes back to him, even though nothing and nobody touches it. How?

He throws it straight up.

  • Mary’s father has five daughters – Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the fifth daughter’s name?

If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. It is Mary!

  • What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in one thousand years?

The letter M

  • What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?


  • What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?

A palm

  • If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?

There is no smoke; it is an electric train!

  • You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer?

You draw a shorter line next to it, and then it becomes the longer line.

  • They come out at night without being called, and are lost in the day without being stolen. What are they?


  • What is next in this sequence? JFMAMJJASON . . .

The letter “D.” The sequence contains the first letter of each month.


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