04 Mar

Jokes : Kids and Fun

Funny Situations

After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door.

“It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”

Crack up

I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”


The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!


As I was treating my daughter and her family to the buffet at a casino, all the bells and whistles for a winning slot machine began to go off. My seven-year-old grandson was awed.

“Wow!” yelled Casey. “This is like Chuck E. Cheese for old people.”

Baby shower

At a baby shower, everyone was asked to complete nursery rhymes. My 11-year-old daughter Taylor contributed this: “Jack Sprat could eat no fat.

His wife could eat no car


“Where is Pearl Harbor?” I asked my fourth-grade history class. “Here’s a hint: It’s a place where everyone wants to go.”

One student blurted out, “Candy Land!”


While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who’d injured himself running from a home. He told me he’d broken in and unhooked the phone before searching for valuables. But he’d panicked when he heard a woman’s voice. I entered the house and heard the same voice: “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.”

Santa Confessions

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”

The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”

He promptly replied, “Another train.”

Scene: A conversation with my friend’s father, who knows I do 
Web design.

Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook?

Me: Oh, very easy.

Friend: He doesn’t mean to make 
a Facebook profile. He means to 
remake all of Facebook.

Me: Oh. Very hard.

Father: Oh, OK.

Question and Answers

Q: What do you call an old snowman?

A: Water!

Q: Who’s in charge of the pencil box?

A: The ruler!

Q: Why do bicycles fall over?

A: Because they’re two-tired!

Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing?

A: Because she wanted to hit the high Cs!

Q: How does the ocean say hello?

A: It waves!

Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?

A: Punch!

Q: Why did the sun go to school?

A: To get brighter!

Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?

A: They take short cuts!

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef!

Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

A: Because he wanted to be on time.

Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

A: At forks in the road.

Q: Why does the Mississippi river see so well?

A: Because it has four eyes!

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A: (Do-you-think-he-saur-us)

Q: What is black; white; green and bumpy?
A: A pickle wearing a tuxedo.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka!

Q: What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
A: Your teeth!

Q: Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?
A: Then why aren’t you laughing!

Q: Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?
A: I’m not telling you. You might spread it!

Q: Why do the French like to eat snails?
A: Because they don’t like fast food!

Q: Why did the fisherman put peanut butter into the sea?
A: To go with the jellyfish!

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
A: Because it might crack up!

Q: What did the baby corn say to it’s mom?
A: Where is pop corn?

Q: What kind of nuts always seems to have a cold?
A: Cashews!

Q: Waiter, will my pizza be long?
A: No sir, it will be round!

Q: What is green and sings?
A: Elvis Parsley

Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well!

Q: What is green and brown and crawls through the grass?
A: A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.

Q: What is white, has a horn, and gives milk?
A: A dairy truck!

Q: What candy do you eat on the playground?
A: Recess pieces.

Q: Why don’t you starve in a desert?
A: Because of all the ‘sand which is’ there.

Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
A: Sunday School.

Q: What do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Shortbread

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q: What is a pretzel’s favorite dance?
A: The Twist!

Q: What are twins favorite fruit?
A: Pears!

Q: If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
A: Slippers!

Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!

Q: Why did the lady love to drink hot chocolate?
A: Because she was a cocoanut!

Q: How do you make a milk shake?
A: Give it a good scare!

Q: What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?
A: An astronut!

Q: What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
A: Cookies!

Q: Why don’t they serve chocolate in prison?
A: Because it makes you break out!

Q: What cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Beets who?
Beets me!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don’t let me in!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Cows who?
Cows go ‘moo’ not who!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

Yule log.

Yule log who?

Yule log the door after you let me in, won’t you?


« »