By Aymen Arif Malik
It has been a month or so that I haven’t written anything at all, and knowing that I write a lot, this is something not very normal about me. I didn’t write for any magazines or worked on other writing projects .I didn’t even write my own diary because I have been feeling lost…and confused. It happens sometimes that you really want to do something good and creative or want to stand out among others and make a difference in the world but you can’t figure out how? I have been feeling quite silenced, dead from inside and nothing in the world pushed me in to writing anything not an event not a festival or even the so-loved-by-all fashion!
Because sometimes in life you feel lonely and lost it feels like you’re walking on a cold path in winter, walking alone and suddenly you find yourself blocked by fog intense, blinding fog and the path ahead and behind becomes so nebulous that you just stand there and stare trying to clear that fog by praying. Which university to go in, which profession to choose, what friends to make, what job to go for, where to apply, what people would say, how people would take it, whether to tell that person or not that how much they mean to us, and most of all. What to do? Everyone at different times of their life find themselves entangled in this stuff since recently I’ve often found myself searching my contact list on Facebook, Yahoo, Gmail, cell etc and have tried to figure out whom do I actually want to talk to hoping and thinking that a name might pop up where I’ll say ‘yeah, I think I need to talk to this person so that I’ll feel not-so-lost’but that never happens my eyes scan every name but they don’t stop at any of them and I keep asking myself…what do I want…where do I want to end up?
And in this confusion of things, I’ve switched from many things to many other things like starting a page with one theme and category than changing its category the next day thinking that I guess the new one is better wanted by me than the previous one than changing it again after half day and finally dumping the page as a whole than starting a blog of a niche, changing its niche for a dozen times and ending up exactly where I started hiring people to do the work and manage all this stuff but not exactly knowing what I want them to do.
But I’ve figured at least one thing that in the end it doesn’t matter how much money you make from your work, what matters is that how much you have learned climbing all those stairs, how stronger you have become by fighting every time and loosing and then fighting and loosing and crying and hoping. It matters not in how many years you take to reach the apex of success and the fulfilling of your dreams but how many times you tried, how many times you failed and gained experience. Then stood up again to fight because it is easy to once fall and never get up because falling again hurts and hurts more than the first time but every time you fall, you grow stronger and become so much better at handling the pain than you ever were the first time. I guess all this time I have been afraid of falling down. I have wanted things to go smooth the first time. I have been searching for ways to fly higher and get to the apex but I forgot that only birds fly…..human don’t…humans climb. One by one…step by step and then reach a place from they can’t be thrown off because on their way to the top, they have gone throw every step and know where the path is smooth and where there is a ditch. Life is pretty crazy at times and quite messy as well but after all it is life isn’t it. I take life as a boat in a sea, it keeps on moving up and down while it is alive and travelling it doesn’t stop in between the journey but only when the journey stops and the track ends it stands still on the harbour, life also ends when it stops going up and down because life is active, ‘jumpy’ and up and down, death is still, quite and smooth.
Now when I sit down with a blank paper and pen I find myself staring at it with a blank mind but I know it’s not going to be that way forever so I’ll just try to admire the paper quality and leave the rest on time because it clears everything and time never lasts forever. It goes away with replacement of a new era and a new situation but what one must remember is to keep moving and keep struggling, keep searching and keep learning because this is life.