09 May
6:59

Hope

By HiraNaz, Lahore

This won’t happen anytime soon but this will happen eventually… I have made a promise with myself that someday I will stop loving you…
I will forget about the encounters, the very moments which brought us together… I will forget how we met, how the vibes between us worked and then how everything between us ended on a bad note.
It will take courage, but I will burn all the letters which you have sent me and which I have saved in my closet till now as the most treasured possession. I will burn all the cards which you have written for me in all these years and in this way I will burn all the memories which we made in times when we were together…
From this time onwards, when I will look in the mirror, I won’t notice the sadness on my face. Instead, I will curve my lips a bit and fake a smile. From now onwards, I won’t check your social media accounts. I won’t see your last seen and wonder whether you missed me or expected another desperate message from my side… From now onwards, when I will walk the roads which we have walked together, I won’t let my heart feel pangs of pain. Instead, I will immerse it in the beauty of nature…
It will break my heart but I will delete the playlist which was our mutual favorite. I will never listen to songs which you liked… At night when I will feel the urge to cry over our broken relation, I will take some sleep tablets and will lose my conscious for a night… From now onwards I won’t let myself feel depressed and broken, instead, I will take you as a well learned lesson and forget about you.
I will format my phone with the intention to get over the bitterness of fond memories… I won’t just delete your contact, I will block your number… I will make sure that I destroy every single thing which leads to you…
Now when I will pray I won’t ask God to ease the tension between us, to lead you back to me, to make you mine again. Instead, I will ask Him to give me enough strength to forget about you… I will ask Him to make it possible that I don’t think about you, not even for a while…
I will make sure I try all the defense mechanisms so that I won’t plead you to have me in your life once again… I will make sure that I stop admiring all the things which you loved the best all your life…
I know my heart will break a million times when I will try to erase your traces in my life but I will do it for me anyway.
I will remember your cruel treatment towards me, I will remember how love was never enough, I will remember all the silence which you have given me, I will remember each and every bad incident that happened between us and in this way I will hurt myself until I heal…
I promise I won’t try to hate you because I know hate is just a flip side of love. Instead, I will make sure I turn indifferent towards you and your very existence…
It won’t be easy but it will worth it… It won’t happen overnight but it will happen eventually… One day I will surprise myself with the fact that I have managed to stop loving you…

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